mipmup.

the jobless creatives will revolt!

thanks to my better half for the fodder for this post. if you're at all familiar with craigslist, you will know that of late, many companies are seeking creatives with OUTSTANDING backgrounds at TOP agencies for basically LITTLE or NO pay.

well, look read below what turned up today. read it first and then read this the second item below. keep scanning for more parodies. i love creatives. i take it all back. i love my industry. (and if they are since they were taken down by craigslist, as i promised i posted the copy here.)

and after reading that check this out. it explains a lot about my mood.

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update: the revolution has begun! subscribe to the empowered artists network here.

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the post that started it all:

re: designers - uncreative circle/artists revolt!
wow - another insulting post with no compensation! this is getting to be a daily occurence on our beloved craig's list. today's post is from a "top fortune 100 company" demanding a top print designer with corporate experience, extensive (& expensive) art school background, knowledge of all design programs (which are not listed because they have no clue what they are), and all for the salary of $9.96 an hour - but don't be offended craig's list artists! we're in a buyer's market and that's why they're in business (?!?). it's not their fault their ceo's year end bonus exceed a couple million every year and they only have $10 an hour for the creatives doing all the work.

they only wish to hear from folks who will work for this pay, so artists, do us all a favor and don't reply! demand adequate compensation! i think it's time to post a list of guidelines for creative's rates on craig's list - and let's forward it along to all these low ballin' companies while we're at it! i'm sick and tired of this low balling bullshit and clearly, you are too. thanks to everyone who sent me an email re: "professional photographer needed asap! craig's list special!!!". joke or not, this is a serious issue and it's time we all get together and demand to be paid what we are worth!

here are just a handful of your thoughtful comments:

"thanks for taking a little time to spread the word !!!"

"im glad you said something, its soooo not worth looking at craigs anymore."

"thanks for posting that. i wrote them directly and logged my complaint. however i take a little comfort in knowing that any photographer willing to work for that amount, most likely creates terrible images."

"right on! do you know how long it would take to earn enough at $8/hr to pay for the kind of equipment they want the photographer to have, even if they had no other expenses? years and years! if they got anyone with that equipment to work for that price, i would suspect the equipment was stolen!"

"i don't know who you are, but thank you for saying what all of us are thinking. i thought it was just me, but i'm glad others are equally insulted....i am a professional creative director/graphic designer who last year left a $70k a year job to freelance and get some experience in other areas of the design field. for the past several months i have been perusing the classified ads on craigslist (and others) and have noticed that the majority of companies posting ads (and i'm not talking about start-up companies with no money, i'm talking about established companies) want people with years of experience in print and web design, proficiency in a variety of softwares, and "spectacular" portfolios...and they are offering as little as 8 dollars an hour. are you freakin kidding me?? this is insulting. i have already lowered my salary standards because the job market is so tough, but $8 an hour?? when are these company execs going to realize that graphic/web design is a skilled trade and should be paid accordingly? as tough as the job market is, i refuse to work for the same money i made in college. fucking ridiculous!! again, thanks for exposing these assholes."

"excellent posting. i've posted similar announcements myself. i have no idea who takes these jobs but they're killing the fee structure on craig's list if not in the entire industry."

"i couldn't agree more..i am a graphic designer who gets $45.00 hr. but constantly see ads for $10-12 hr or less!!! starbucks pays more than that! i have written back ads and told them to quit insulting us with their lowball offers. (i used the starbucks line on them informing them that unskilled labor can make more than their offers!!) l.a. is so damn competetive...i'm sure people take their lame offers..disgusting! keep busting their ads and so will i!!! disgusted in sherman oaks"

"thanks! you've said what i've been thinking about all along regarding a growing number of these postings...it's the same problem looking for a graphic design job. it's insulting that both “ bargain basement posters” and “creative whores” out there are making it harder for the rest of us in these tough times. i don't know why i waste my time looking...i hope more posts like yours will get through to those people. the craigslist job board is a joke... from: not amused"

thank you and stick to your guns, craig's list!

the inadvertent artists' activist

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and just one of the parody posts:

receptionist/administrative assistant/assistant designer
world-renowned graphic design firm in beverly hills with big-time clients seeks outstanding receptionist/administrative assistant/assistant designer. this position needs to be filled immediately, as we just fired the previous holder of this position this morning for playing computer solitaire during downtimes. this is a great opportunity for the right candidate, with plenty of room for advancement in our graphic design firm. the person who held this position before the person who we fired started in 2001 was recently promoted to secretary.

duties:
- make coffee, fetch donuts, order lunch, prepare snacks, stock refrigerator with beverages, change water in water cooler.
- heavy phones. we currently have 23 lines and will be adding another 10 in a couple weeks. there are only 19 employees here and we do not provide them with direct lines nor voicemail. most of them don’t have cell phones, so they get a lot of personal calls. you will be responsible for taking messages, and later reenacting them, with exact inflection, when they are unavailable. we also do not have a paging system, so you will need to scramble to each person’s desk, or find them in the bathroom, break room, parking lot, etc., in order to notify them of their phone call.
- filing, scheduling, ordering office supplies, photocopying, faxing, sweeping, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, and anything else we demand of you.
- light brochure and pamphlet design as needed.
- veterinarian visits. you must not be afraid of reptiles as we have an office gila monster pet, gizzy, who has free roam of the building. gizzy will need to be taken in periodically for neutering, teeth cleaning, vaccinations, smog tests, x-rays, nail cleaning, prescription tranquilizer refills, grooming, contact lens fittings, and other routine check-ups.

skills/job requirements:
- exhaustive knowledge of all hewlett-packard, epson, canon, and lexmark printers. we want someone who can truly bore us with how much they know about printers.
- high level of proficiency in ms office, photoshop, illustrator, dreamweaver, html, java, mac, windows, premiere, final cut, avid, quickbooks, lotus notes, peachtree, maya, lightwave, 3d studio max, internet explorer, itunes, netscape navigator and communicator, after effects, limewire, aim, icq, yahoo! messenger, msn messenger, wordperfect, poser, filemaker pro, director, flash, fireworks, indesign, quark, fontographer, powerpoint, wordperfect, outlook, and fetch. we will test you in all of these.
- ability to do basic math functions: add, subtract, multiply, divide, square roots, hyperbolic functions, inverse cosine, pseudo-vehicular tangentrial post-equatic formulas.
- ability to stand in one place without having to shift your weight from foot to foot for 8+ hours straight.
- excellent command of north american english language, including southern, new england, and canadian dialects.
- reliable car. we would prefer a 4-door full-size sedan with ample leg room in front, back, and trunk, as you will need to give us rides home.

pay starts at $6.75/hour. you will be working anywhere from 5- 60 hours a week, depending on how well you do. you must be available at the drop of a hat. we prefer candidates without family, second jobs, pets, busy lives, and/or boyfriends/girlfriends to distract them from their work priorities. if you do have pets or children, we will assist you in finding an animal shelter or foster home to relieve you of those duties. overtime and benefits are not included, since your hours over the fiscal year will only average to about 18-23 hours/week. after your satisfactory 3-month review, you will receive a $0.11 raise, a tip jar, and a desk.

you must be a recent graduate (no one earlier than may 2003!) and must have at least a 4-year degree from a private college. we will not hire anyone who has spent less than $80,000 (not including books, software, computers, etc.) on their college education. college attended must have either the word "art" or "design" in its name. also must have stable work history (no more than 2 jobs, including part-time jobs, since you were 16). and yes, this includes babysitting, lawn mowing, and bussing tables. we will conduct a thorough background check (live-scan fingerprint, fbi, irs, elementary school records). anyone who has even received a checkmark by their name on the chalkboard will not be considered, so do not bother applying!

we will not accept walk-ins or phone calls regarding this position: your application will be shredded, burned, and then dissolved and drank in a glass of orange juice. we also will obtain your license plate number and/or trace your phone call, so that we may cross-reference your information in case we receive more applications from you. we will then have you blacklisted. the same goes for anyone applying for a position other than what we have listed here.

please send a concise, yet detailed cover letter outlining your skills and qualifications, along with your resume, as text in the body of the email. we can not stress this enough: do not send us any attachments. emails with attachments will be marked as "spam" and deleted immediately after we file away your information for our blacklist.

compensation: $6.75/hr to start. after satisfactory 3-month review, you will receive $0.11 raise, tip jar, and desk.

the cliché circus.

had my first job interview since 1998 last week*. i knew that i was way overqualified for the position, but i felt compelled to go because i need work. i'm not a touchy-feely person that believes what i do really impacts the world all that much. i mean, it's marketing and advertising, folks — it's not curing cancer. i know that. i own that and i move forward with the full realization that i may never ever do much that really matters in a profound sense.

but what i can't handle are clichés and theater people and this place was full of both.

i anticipated a long drive, but i arrived 40 minutes early in my interview best (though i was tempted to wear this to get the sympathy vote) and proceeded to fidget in my car, reread the resume i sent them (i have about 10 versions). i entered the building and upon viewing the security guard and sign-in sheet, i was immediately transported back to "the office days" when i first started my professional career. after working for myself for all this time, mostly in sweats, this sight makes me twinge and i try to get over it. and even though i really don't even want this job, i was nervous and think the office is on a totally different floor so i went up and down in the elevator twice.

i walked into the microsuite and there's no receptionist, just a vivid green room and one red officey chair. it was up against the wall. with nothing else. i peeked around and was greeted by a very warm face who told me that the head cheese would see me now.

i wasn't quite sure where to sit on the black "modern" curvy couch c. 1994. should i sit in the s-bend? i decided on the end is good, but felt weird that my briefcase was right behind me. bad, bad interview furniture.

the first cliché addressed was something to the effect of "what kind of creative inspires me to purchase?"

inspires? what inspires me? to purchase? um. well. uhhhh.

"not advertising."

"what's on sale."

"impulse."

are those bad answers? i decided that yes, those aren't great answers (though in retrospect, i should have just said what i thought), so i blubbered on about what doesn't inspire me giving examples of some local boards that are just well — bad.

based on my business experience, i know that biz dev is key, especially for a small agency. so i asked what they do to generate business. "lots," says he. "in fact we have a quarter of our staff's time devoted to it."

the end. no examples. no specifics. not "direct." not "referrals." not "prospecting this a'way or that a'way." nada. ok. second cliché: creative and bad business person. what a surprise!

i suppose he felt the need to expound because he was rambling on to the point where my mind drifted and the worst part? we're like five minutes into the meeting. now, i'm not a drifter. i am focused. i am interested in pretty much everything — especially at a meeting that involves a ceo-type person. (oh and ps: instead of using chief "executive" officer, he uses chief "experience" officer, which completely reminds me of this. the title is so infuriatingly dense — and it's common, too! just execute a search. i am thinking of changing my title to "senior visionary experience lead.™.")

when i asked about their growth strategy, he told me about this "special proprietary tool" that is going to propel the agency forward. now, this is my favorite part of the meeting. i'm listening now. i'm engaged. i'm riveted, if i may. this tool allows clients, or the agency, to change the company's brand?! right off the shelf? he's even called it something: a "brand metamorphosis tool." so basically what he says is that this tool can be taken in-house and magically the brand changes. just what we need: another ad agency's trademarked process/tool/philosophy. check! third cliché.

it's like this: say what you do. don't pretend it's something else. don't slap a ™ or a ® or a © on some lameass tool. he then explains that he's had scientists up on a stage reciting shakespeare actually "migrating the brand." he calls it "a theater experience."

at this point, i was hysterical inside. i asked for more details. "a theater experience, you say? do tell." he went on to tell me that he's got a degree in theater (or would it be theatre?) and that he feels this job is just an extension of what he had done in his past life as a director. fourth cliché: that whole thing was just so la. of course you've been in entertainment before.

it was about now that i was frantically trying to memorize all of this so i could write about it here.

so then we moved on to several personal questions that he prefaced with: "you don't have to answer these." i later checked and he actually isn't even supposed to ask them. but this is advertising. land of the inappropriate workplace!

1. are you married?
2. is that your married name?
3. what languages do you speak (that's ok)? "do you speak those languages because it's a mixture of your heritage?"
4. "oh. so are you second generation?"

i was waiting for him to ask me about my religious preferences and my favorite positions.

what was worse than this laughable interview was that it all could've been avoided by using my intuition. once again, i foiled myself. i can't remember who said that we are the only animals that ignore our intuition. but whoever they were, they were damned right. i'll say it. there were a lot of red flags just from the emails and i knew it. but like i said, i need work.

in the hour spent there, i knew no more about the company than when i went in. i got one client name, saw none of their creative and didn't find out anything about their processes or the specifics of the job.

the experience guy needs to find a new title because my experience there was terrible. we ended it with "send me your references and we'll have our account person follow-up."

haven't heard back. i am not heartbroken. this fledgling agency was a caricature of everything i hate about my industry. cheesy people who speak in terms that must have been generated by this, take themselves way too seriously, don't have good business sense and totally lack character.

oh well, as they say rome wasn't built in a day, so i'll just keep on looking.

*names and key facts have been changed to protect the innocent.

what no money brings.

it's funny the things that happen to you when you're broke. i suddenly have a profound appreciation for being able to buy luxuries like see's candies, good shampoo and a hot meal i didn't cook. the following things stuck out in my mind today as i was washing my hair with a sample i got in the mail.

when you're broke, you learn to:

1. love (and actually finish) leftovers.
   
2. thank the universe for jamba juice's free smoothie coupon received just today.
   
3. use up all of that trial-sized stuff (like i'm ever going anywhere again anyway).
   
4. discover clothes you didn't know you still had, not to give to some charity, but to give yourself since you are now down to one pair of (wearable) jeans.
   
5. flip through your favorite catalogs not looking for things to buy, but looking for things to hopefully, someday, maybe, if all goes better soon, treat yourself to.
   
6. be quite resourceful. i get two uses out of my morning chai teabags. once i'm done, i heat up some hot water, add some silk and sugar and there we go. two servings for the price of one.
   
7. lean on your family. they really are the only ones truly there for you.
   
8. get creative. i'm thinking of babysitting my nieces and nephews as my job. not only would it be fun, but i would get to knock some of that conservative upbringing right outta them.
   
9. do without. for one, i haven't had a manicure since january and a haircut since april 2003. if you knew my beauty personality type, you'd know things are serious.
   
10. say that you did take a risk. or two. or many. all definitely not rewarded, but i took 'em.
    
11. meet your worst fears head-on. i used to wonder if i could make it if this happened or even (gulp) that happened. now i know. and i am still here.
    
12. find inspiration and solace in strangest places. i got teary-eyed during parenthood this weekend (granny's roller coaster got me). and i found this while looking for yoga poses to alleviate "gastrointestinal problems:"

    "everyone wants to be happy; this is a universal fact. most people believe that some material object with bring this happiness — money, the perfect spouse, the dream job, a new car, a big house with swimming pool — but in truth the list of what would make you completely happy is never ending. each 'thing' will please only for a short time, until the novelty wears off. as long as you think that happiness will come from something outside yourself, you will never be happy. happiness, the blissful state, comes from within your own self."

    — sivananda yoga vedanta center, "why meditate?" yoga mind & body. a dk publishing book, 1996.
    

    
    

i think they get it.

remember the lady at peet's that gives haley treats all the time? well, for all this time, we never knew each other's names. she just knew haley. we just knew her as the lady that gives haley treats all the time. so today, i introduced myself. her name is patty. today, she was leaving for a trip and didn't have treats and felt horribly. she told me that she wished she could make haley understand and relayed the following story to me.

she was widowed three years ago. their cat and her husband would play a little game everyday. each time he walked up to the house, the cat would be waiting by the window. he would tap-tap-tap on the glass and the cat would tap back and run to the door to greet him. at night, the cat would sleep at the end of the bed with them.

the day he died, the cat just sat there by the window and she just wished and wished that she could make the cat understand what had happened.

that night, for the first time, the cat curled up next to her and has been sleeping there ever since.

sometimes i think they actually do understand after all.

photo credit: me.

heart trouble.

my sister's husband is having triple bypass surgery today or tomorrow. he had chest pains last night, called his doctor and was sent to the emergency room. there, they discovered a blockage and checked him in. today, the doctors found out not only did he have a blockage, but three valves were blocked from 75% to 85%. thus, triple bypass. i feel pretty confident about the surgery. my bil is young (43) and should recover nicely. going to the hospital now. i'll keep you posted. wish us luck.

for information on how to avoid heart disease:
womenheart: the national coalition for women with heart disease
american heart association

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update, 3.23: surgery will take place tomorrow at 1:00 and is now a quadruple bypass that will take four to six hours. my sissy is hanging in there, putting on a strong face. we will be doing school pick-ups, baseball practice and the like tomorrow.

update, 3.25: the surgery went well although this morning he feels like he's been "run over by a truck" and doesn't really want to see anyone. i'm thankful all went well during the surgery. thanks to everyone for their words of support. it meant a lot to me.

update, 3.26: the medical people got him out of bed last night and again this morning. he's even sitting-up to eat breakie. he's feeling better and most likely will be released on monday. now for the really, super hard part: recovery. he will be off of work for two months (since his job is physically demanding). he is just going to hate changing his diet, too. while he's not overweight, he is one of those people who are thinking of what to have for breakfast while eating a steak dinner.

update, 3.30: my brother-in-law is home now and even got to take a shower yesterday. my sister said that his bruises are frightening, but that he is feeling better each day. so good, in fact, that he hosed out the garage while she went on an errand yesterday. uh, hello? bypass surgery (it turned out he needed quadruple bypass surgery). chest opened. healing and rest required. he's only supposed to get up for five minutes at a time maybe three times a day. maybe. anyway, she is off work this week to keep an eye on him. again, thanks to everyone for their good thoughts.

no nurturing acts allowed. period.

please send a letter to these people that think breastfeeding is not ok. i guess it's only ok to show breasts when their used for sport, humor or profits (unless you're janet, that is).

progress!

boy, have we come a long way! i was searching for this book called "women's firsts: milestones in women's history" on amazon and i accidentally typed in only "women's firsts" under "all products."

these are the first two items that i was served up.

that'd be the "tankini swimsuit (maternity)" and the "unlisted 'first step' sandal," folks. and they are so very, very ugly.

then for kicks, i typed in "men's firsts" and here's what appeared.

first, break all the rules: what the world's greatest managers do differently by marcus buckingham, curt coffman.

uff.

photo credit: amazon

not him too?

bummer. just when i was looking forward to something.

from sf gate's daily dish:

prince's religious devotion stop sexy songs

prince refused to sing risque songs "cream" and "sexy motherf--" at his rock and roll hall of fame induction on monday — because of his new-found religion.

the flamboyant singer has embraced the jehovah's witness faith, and because of his religion he now refuses to play his famously sexual songs.

a friend tells web site page six, "prince feels he has closed the chapter on that overtly sexual chapter in his life."

prince said at the ceremony in new york, "i embarked on a spiritual journey more fascinating than i could ever imagine, but a word to the wise to the young artists without spiritual guidance. too much freedom can lead to a spiritual decline."

test drive.

today i'm test-driving mozilla's firefox 0.8, the "free, open-source and cross-platform web browser for windows, linux, mac os x and other operating systems." i've noticed safari has been hanging a lot on certain urls and doesn't work with some livechat functionality. so in a total moment of complete geekstacy, i received and warmly responded to an email from a vendor that glowingly recommended firefox (which i keep calling foxfire, but i think that's a war term).

first and most importantly, it screams on mac os x. second, i imported all of my safari bookmarks using safari bookmark exporter 1.0.5. ignore the post that says it doesn't work with os x. it does.

i kinda feel like i'm cheating on my beloved apple, but it pretty much rocks so far.

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results:
awwww, yeah.

• hit any first letter and go to the word in a list.
• much faster.
• typepad works way better.

nah.

• bookmark manager is not as good. i don't like the interface when i want to add a new bookmark; it seems like an extra step
• have to right click to close tabs; safari has those little "x's."
• i like the icons on safari (e.g. add bookmark); they are cleaner (e.g. +)
• i like the recent searches in google bar. in firefox, you have to type the first coupl'a letters.
• the way it handles downloads is cumbersome. had to manually fix a bunch of stuff.

when i add it up, all the functionality stuff doesn't bother me as much as the getting the beach ball or having slow load times, so it's official: i switched. sorry, safari.

oh, sure now they want her back.

remember how kcrw fired sandra tsing loh and how ruth seymour, kcrw's general manager sent me that rather uppity email? well it appears that now they take it all back. appears they didn't have all the facts before they gave her da boot. kudos to loh for not taking the bait.

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update: discover how loh is taking "a stand against pompous gasbags" in this new (subscription) article from salon.