i'm on fiyah.

i have some kind of electric current running through my body that breaks things. first up: the cars. the cars never break down on my better half, only on me. most recently? the radiator blew up on wilshire blvd. at rush hour. it couldn't happen when i was on my own, right? i had one of my girlfriends and her cuban mother in from out of town. we were on our way to "search for stars," having just come from malibu colony where we got zilch. hey, it only took triple a three hours to get us. no biggie. next up? the radiator blew up again. this time in a more convenient spot on the 405. alone this time and triple a beat their record and got me back to our mechanic (whom our firstborn shall be named after, based on how close we are now) within six hours of my breakdown.

the other day, our space heater's plug melted away. not sure if this is my fault because i get cold in 60-degree weather and use it so much or if it's our pre-war (no, not iraq or even vietnam or korea) wiring. had to get a new one.

yesterday, i broke the blender by making a smoothie. it didn't just stop working, which i could forgive with a quizzical tilt of the head and a "hm." nope. the top of the motor broke off. completely. desperate for my smoothie, i used our cuisinart, which worked surprisingly well.

i also tend to "click too much" on my computers which cause them to freeze up or mysteriously become sick and die a slow painful death (often hurried along by my pounding of the keys along with an obscenity or two). also, our printer broke the other week. still haven't bought a new one because a certain someone in our household has analysis paralysis in re. to selection of would-be ours printer.

how can i make my electric current work for good and not for evil?