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a pretty penny.
i would like your opinion and advice on a situation we encountered this weekend that is continuing to peeve us into today.
we were invited to a celebratory dinner at an upscale restaurant. the host of the event is also sort of a superior to my better half. the superior's wife ordered three bottles of wine for the table and most everyone had a steak (except me: vegan, who had a salad and a vegetable plate). the table shared salads and sides. since i was driving, i had one taste of each bottle.
when the bill arrived, the wife took the bill and then proceeded to pass it to us and then to the other guests.
what we thought was going to be about a $100 evening — perhaps we would have bought a round of cocktails and apps before dinner — in fact turned out to be a $320 evening because the wine she ordered was (from what we estimate) about $150 per bottle, which she did not communicate to us.
please know that i am not one of those people that squabble over a bill and in fact, detest that so much that generally my better half and i like to pick-up the tab when dining out with friends. that said, this amount is not within our budget, especially not before the holidays. of course, we paid without a hint of our discomfort and that was that.
however, i am curious as to the following:
1.
maybe i'm old-fashioned, but we assumed since we were invited to this
dinner (celebrating the host) and since they made the reservation,
planned the seating and selected the wine, that they would be providing
the meal. what do you think? also, does the fact that he is a superior at work
to my husband mean anything?
2. apart from avoiding dining with them again, what is the appropriate etiquette to avoid this situation in the future? do we discuss wine options/prices before ordering?
3. would you be steamed, too? or are we just being petty?
thanks.
December 5, 2005 in kvetching. | Permalink
Comments
1. They DEFINITELY should have picked up the tab, and that was just freakin' RUDE,
2. Hmm... I can't think of any etiquette. Except maybe to grab the winelist and say, "You guys picked last time. It's our turn, let us pick!" or something equally dorky, and
3. I'd be beyond steamed.
Finally, I don't think your boyfriend need buy his boss a holiday gift this year. I'm just sayin'.
Posted by: Chookooloonks | Dec 5, 2005 6:19:57 PM
1. i too would assume they'd pay after all the arrangements they made.
2. can't think of anything at the moment. that's a tricky one..
3. i don't think you're being petty. anyone that orders THREE bottles of wine costing $150 each without telling the others and then expects to split the bill is truly shameful.
Posted by: amirah | Dec 6, 2005 5:20:52 AM
I'd say your hosts don't have a true feeling for manners. For once, they don't seem to know where they stand. If they did, they'd have known what they can make their guests pay and what not, even if they consume $150 wine on a daily base themselves. They'd know that their lifestyle is not necessarily that of their guests.
If they have written the invitation and planned even the seating, then, in my opinion, it is their part to take over the drink/wine bill. Entirely. Etiquette.
Follows to speculate wildly what would have been if they had held said party at their own place? Charge their guests for expensive wine? Choose a mainstream-quality drop to save on costs? Choose a good drop and serve blah food?
Maybe it's just me, but if I dine out at an upscale restaurant, I never share salads and sides with the whole table. That just doesn't correspond to table manners at all.
Posted by: mademoiselle a. | Dec 7, 2005 4:09:12 AM
1. If its their event, they should have paid. End of story - passing the check around at the end is tacky.
2. In addition to the suggestions here, you could dine and dash. When you accept the invitation you could say you have a prior commtiment at X PM, and will have to leave around X PM. Thank the host for such a lovely party and then head out. Sort of tricky to pull off, but I read about it in (I think) Time Out?
3. You're not being petty. You have every right to be annoyed.
Posted by: amanda | Dec 8, 2005 8:17:46 AM
How incredibly uncouth. Just the other day at the hair salon, I read an Emily Post article in Good Housekeeping (yes, I left Jane and Cosmo on the rack and picked up Good Housekeeping. I am morphing into my mother) that addresses this very issue. Your hosts were in the wrong and Emily Post is on your side - tacky! tacky! tacky!
I am a vegetarian and cannot stand having to pay for another's steak while I pick at yet another paltry offering of limp veggies and soggy pasta. Most of the time when splitting the check, people have the decency to offer more if they've ordered something more expensive. When they don't, I shell out but secretly fume about it afterwards. Pathetic, I know.
Your husband's superior is a cretin, his wife a vulgarian. They are best avoided in the future if possible.
Posted by: Housegrouch | Dec 10, 2005 10:20:46 AM
